Memories of Loss
by Dragonlady5
Summary: “The lingering pain of losing someone and finding comfort in that you are not alone” This is mainly Sam's POV.
1. Chapter 1

Memories of Loss  
  
Angst/Romance  
  
Summary: "The lingering pain of losing someone and finding comfort in that you are not alone"  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own MGM, the characters or actors of SG-1, or anyone/thing involved. Darn. Author's Note: The story is mainly Sam's POV. Please give me feedback!  
  
The man I loved is gone. The only one who could understand is gone. In my mind I can still see his clear, blue eyes, his pain so hidden well, his love. I long for his touch, his caress again. I want, no, I need him to return. He is the source of my strength, my reason to go on. I love him. I long to feel his tall, thin frame against my skin again. In my dreams I can still feel his warm breath, the taste of his lips. But then I wake, alone. The tears spring to my eyes. I cannot fight them. I miss him. "Daniel, please come back," I whisper, hoping somehow he can hear me.  
  
Everyday, the same old facade, I appear to be cheerful, almost happy. The same old routine of training Jonas Quinn, our new forth member of SG-1. He is sweet, but nothing like how Daniel was. Jonas tries so hard to fit in and learn. "Sam, are you okay?" Jonas asks me. "Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm okay, just lost in thought," I answer. "About Daniel?" Jonas asks me, a look of understanding on his face. But how could he understand? Maybe there is more to his past that I do not know about. I answer, "Yeah." "You were close, weren't you? He mentions you a lot in his journals." I see genuine concern in his eyes. "We were very close. I really miss him." "He loved you. And you loved him. I could see it in your eyes after. . . you know."  
  
He was right. He was so right. I attempt to fight back tears again. Jonas comes over and sits next to me, putting his arm around my shoulders. I stiffen, unused to the contact. Jonas half-stutters, "I'm sorry. . . I didn't mean to. . .um. . ." He starts to move away. "Jonas, wait, it's okay. Thanks. I'm glad you're here with me." I hold him in an embrace, feeling the heat from him body. Our eyes meet, pain reflecting pain. There has got to be more to his past. . .  
  
We look at the clock; it's 1500 hours. "We have a briefing in thirty minutes. WE better get ready to go." "Okay, see you there," he replies as he restores his usual cheerful appearance. After he leaves, I think to my self, "So, it's a façade, like mine. What happened in his past?" Curiosity kept my mind off Daniel and me for awhile. 


	2. Chapter 2

Memories of Loss Part 2  
  
At the briefing, Jonas walks in with that smile that annoys Jack so much. I see through it now, as I know he can see through mine. His hand brushes my back as he walks behind me. When I glance at him, he smiles a genuine smile not the normal façade like we have plastered on our faces for the rest to see. I have got to ask him about his past, know something had to have happened in his past, but what? Hammond starts talking and I snap back to reality. Hmmm, so we are on stand-down for the next seventy-two hours? Well, that's just great, more time to fall into my depression. I have got to get some anti-depressants from Janet. Or maybe some strong pain killers. . .  
  
"Hey Sam, are you okay? General Hammond dismissed us already." I jump as Jonas puts his hand on my arm. He smiles, a real smile, and I walk with him out of the briefing room. While walking to my lab, I ask him, "What are you doing during the stand-down?" "I'll probably go through more of the mission notes since I can't go off-base," Jonas replies. "Would you like to go off-base with me?" I ask him. I see his eyes light up at the suggestion. "Could I really? That would be great!" His enthusiasm makes me smile. "I'll ask the General." What a perfect situation to find out about his past.  
  
I walk to Hammond's office, planning what I will say. I knock on his door. "Sir?" I ask. "Come in, Major," he replies. I hope he is in a good mood. I walk in and ask him, "Sir, permission to go off-base? I want to take Jonas with me." "You want to take Jonas?" he asks, slightly surprised. "Yes," I respond confidently. "Okay, Major, if you wish," Hammond replies, still rather perplexed. "Thank you, Sir," I say to him as I walk out to my lab to tell Jonas the good news.  
  
As I walk up to my lab, I look though the window. I see Jonas at my desk, so I watch him for a moment. He pulls out a photograph out of him notebook he always carries. A tear slides down his cheek. I quietly slip into the lab and walk up behind him. He's normally so observant, yet he doesn't notice me. I look over his shoulder and see the photo. It is a picture of him and a thin woman, skin as pale as moonlight with eyes dark and mysterious. She has her arm around him waist, both smiling. I put my hand on Jonas' shoulder. He jumps and puts the picture back into the notebook. "Sam! Oh, um, hi?" he stutters. I pull a chair beside him and sit down. "Who's that in the photo?" I ask him. "An old friend," I see him fight back tears. The sorrow in his eyes is all too apparent. A single tear escapes his defenses. I wipe away his tear. "Her name was Jade. She was a scientist working on the Naquadria Project," he explains. "Was?" I ask him. He continues, "She was assassinated by the government after she quit the project after she found out that the Naquadria was for a bomb. The Kelownan government tried to cover up the murder by making it appear to be a gang crime." I put my arm around him in comfort. "I loved her, like Daniel loved you," he says. "At least we aren't alone in our pain, we have each other who could understand," I smile gently at him. "Oh, by the way, I asked General Hammond and he gave me permission to take you off-base with me." "Okay, I'll meet you at your quarters in a half an hour," Jonas' mood lightens a bit. We leave and walk to our separate quarters.  
  
As I walk back to my quarters, Janet stops me, "Hey, here's the medication you needed. Don't worry, no one knows about it. Please be careful with the pain meds, okay?" "Thanks, Janet, I will," I force a smile for her, "See you in a few days." I walk into to my quarters and flop down on my bed. I see a picture of Daniel on the table beside my bed. Tears well up in my eyes, blurring my vision. I open the containers of medication and take one of each. I just needed something to pull me though this series of memories. I fall asleep in tears, allowing myself to succumb to the dreams. 


	3. Chapter 3

Memories of Loss  
  
Part 3  
  
I hardly notice when Jonas comes into my quarters, setting down his bag and sitting next to me. I feel him wipe away a tear on my cheek and stoke my hair. I look up at him, seeing a glimmer in his eyes, but he hides it before I can identify it. "Hey Sam, are you okay?" Jonas asks me, concerned. "Yeah, I'm okay, I guess. Ready to go?" I respond. "I am if you are," Jonas glances at the table with my medication. "Oh, that. I've driven after taking these before," I reply. Well, okay, not with both but I don't want to tell him that. I get off my bed and pick up my coat, discreetly putting my medication inside the pocket. I don't know if he noticed. I really don't care if he did. He knows why I take it, he understands. I ask him, "How did you get into my quarters, anyway?" He replies, "You know how you were teaching me how to lock-pick? I heard you crying so I decided to put your teaching into practice . . . I'm sorry . . ." "Jonas, it's okay. I'm glad you can in." We leave my quarters and sign out.  
  
Outside, a cold breeze makes us both shiver even through our coats. As I unlock my car door, Jonas asks me, "Are you sure you're okay? You don't mind bringing me along off base? You don't have to, you know." "I know, but I want to bring you with me. You deserve it, anyway. And yes, I am okay, you being around seems to help," I reassure him. He smiles, "Thanks, you being around and talking to me helps me too." I start my car and we drive off base. I notice Jonas looking around observing the new surroundings. His curiosity is rather amusing. Through the lull of the countryside, my mind begins to drift. Keep it together, Sam. You don't want to kill Jonas and yourself. If it were just me in the car, I wouldn't care if my mind wanders . . .  
  
We finally get to my house. Home, sweet home. It's funny how the base feels more like home than here. Probably it is due to the fact that my friends are there, but lately, everything reminds me of Daniel. I had to get away. Coming here was probably the worst place I could have gone to get away. Every little thing here reminds me of memories of times Daniel and I shared here. I'm glad Jonas is here, I don't think I could trust myself alone here, even with the meds. Things would become too much to take. I don't know if I would come back, the pain would overtake me and I know what I am capable of . . . I come back to my senses to see Jonas trying to read my expression. I unlock my front door and we walk inside. It's rather cold, so I immediately go to the thermostat and turn it up a few degrees. Jonas walks up to me and asks, "Where should I put my stuff?" I lead him to the guestroom. Leaving him to unpack, I go make a pot of tea for us. I'm surprised that Jonas isn't already in the living room yet when I bring in the tea. The light is still on in the guestroom, so I figure he is still there. Quietly, I walk into the room, yes; he is still there. He's writing in a notebook, but he puts it away soon as he looks up to see me there. "What are you writing?" I ask him out of curiosity. "Nothing much," he replies. "Oh, okay," I reply; though I am still curious. We walk into the living room and sit on the sofa. We drink our tea in companionable silence until Jonas picks up my photo album on my coffee table. "May I look at it?" he asks. "Yeah," I reply as I move closer to him. We open the album across our laps. We flip through the pages filled with pictures of the team, pictures of my family, and then we come to pictures of Daniel and me. We look through the pages upon pages of candid pictures of Daniel, me, or both of us together. We laugh as I tell Jonas the stories behind them. Then we turn the page to the sweet pictures of Daniel and me together. I feel a blush rising in my cheeks. We come to a picture of us asleep on the sofa that Jonas and me are sitting on. Jonas looks at me questioningly. I tell him, "Jack took that picture of us. We were going to watch movies but we fell asleep waiting for Jack and Teal'c to show up. They were two hours late!" We start laughing, not that fake laugh we usually do. But them we come to the pictures from Daniel's funeral. Tears form in my eyes. Through my tear-blurred eyes, I see understanding in Jonas's eyes. He puts him arm around me, like Jack and the others have done when they tried to comfort me, to no avail. But with Jonas' touch, I am comforted. He succeeds where others have failed. In his arms, I feel like everything will be all right, the way I felt when Daniel held me.  
  
The way I felt with Daniel.  
  
That realization makes me stiffen in surprise, it's strange how Jonas can comfort me like Daniel did, but in his own way, different. My stiffening surprises Jonas. I whisper to him, "Jonas, thank you. Your touch, your presence, is comforting. Others have tried to comfort me but have failed. But you are able to comfort me. Will you stay the whole weekend with me?" Jonas smiles, "Of course I'll stay, if you really want me to. I'm worried about you, Sam. I really care about you." The glimmer in his eyes that I saw briefly when we were in my quarters on base returns. "I really care about you, too, Jonas," I whisper to him as I pull him into an embrace. 


End file.
